Insomnia

I have been job-hunting lately. The urgency is pressing since I am supposed to have gotten out of the Army a long time ago. However, due to my situation, I haven't the remotest idea when that will really be. Before we left, we were told to expect a twelve to eighteen month rotation. They are allowed to force me to stay in the Army up to ninety days after our return, but they can also cut me loose at any time after we get home. The way it adds up right now, I could get out of the Army anywhere within a NINE month window. Why would anyone hire someone who doesn't know their availability date within three quarters of a year?

A lot of people don't understand freedom. I didn't understand what it is before I became stop-lossed. I know now, though. There is something that the Army has taken away from me; something beyond what detention and incarceration could take. They have taken away hope. Without a date by which to plan my future, I can't have hope for it. I have received letter after letter from employers wishing me the best, but politely telling me my situation compromises my competitiveness.

Although it isn't their fault either, there are soldiers in The United States who have never been deployed and are far more desirable candidates than I, simply because they know when their contracts expire. Soldiers, I add, who have served less time than I because they weren't in a unit that was stop-lossed. I know life isn't meant to be fair, but it doesn't have to be this unfair.

There are people who have the power to change things without compromising our capabilities. But there is no motivation. The public outrage is minimal, and there is no reason to placate a group of soldiers who are committed to leave the Army anyway. I have been thinking about Vietnam and how it created a generation of resentment for the government, but I think there was a different culture of global awareness that transcended the sensationalism of a media saturated with stories of runaway brides.

When I think of the draft, I think of the people who have been even more outraged by the Army's free-for-all personnel grab. Those who had honorably left the service for civilian life, but had been recalled to active duty, for example. I know they have voices too, and I hope they are being heard. I am used to not making my voice heard; I have been doing it all my life. But I know how to choose my battles.

I was asked today if I would ever consider public office. I would were it not for my mistakes in the past. Although the government may be willing to overlook interstate check fraud as a fifteen year-old's mistake, I think public opinion would be far less understanding. All the same, I have been kicked too many times to stay down. I know I'm not the only one who feels the agony of betrayal, and I am always excited each time I hear people whisper about change.

And whispering is a start. I think there is a vast majority of Americans who, baffled at the insanity that takes place on both extremes of the political spectrum, remain somewhat inactive. It is wild to think of the centre being motivated by much, since war and runaway brides have obviously done nothing to shift it's massive bulk. But when it does start rolling, the momentum will be contagious. Since I have been forbidden hope for myself, I surrender it instead to The Dormant Nation.